


Help Me Polarize, Help Me Out

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Cute, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, but not too heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5324357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school/soulmates au in which Tyler is convinced he won't be good enough for his soulmate, and Josh is just wondering how much longer he's going to have to wait for the one. Insecure boys falling in love tbh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tyler sat on his bed and stared at his pale, shaking hands.

Maybe it was the depression talking, but Tyler was really dreading this new school. It was the biggest cliche in the book, but he didn't care. He was new and nervous and unprepared. He’d only just settled into his old school, and things had finally been going well! He was on the basketball team, with every chance of getting a scholarship. Sure, he didn't exactly have any friends, but he got along pretty well with the other guys on the team, so he always had someone to sit with at lunch, at least. Nothing even vaguely romantic had gone on, but that was mainly to do with most people already having found their soul mate, and those who were still single weren't interested in some skinny dork like Tyler. Tyler wasn't interested either, so he didn't mind. Okay, fine, Tyler had been struggling with his depression more and more recently, but he was fine- he had it all under control, and no one really knew what was going on in his head, anyway. Well, unless you counted the journal he scrawled all his spoken word poetry in.

A new school was possibly the last thing he wanted, especially since moving to a new area meant he might meet the dreaded one. He’d been relieved to find that no one at his old school was his soul mate: that knowledge allowed him to go about his life in relative peace, but at this new school, he’d be treading on eggshells and praying he didn't glance up and make eye contact with that special someone. He wasn't ready for a soul mate. Honestly, he wasn't sure he’d ever be ready for one, but definitely not now. It was hard enough faking a smile for his family: he couldn't add another name to the steadily growing list of people he wasn't good enough for. He didn't want to disappoint that unlucky soul just yet.

“Tyler, come on, you’ll be late,” His mother says, and Tyler looks up to see her standing in his doorway, glowering at her hesitant son. Tyler, dressed in black skinny jeans and a blue t-shirt, smiled nervously and nodded. As soon as she turned away the smile disappeared. He hated faking smiles: at first it had been easy, effortless, but the longer this pretending went on, the harder it got to keep it all together- especially today, when all he wanted to do was let himself cry. He shrugged on his jacket and then shoved his feet into his sneakers. He grabbed his backpack as he left his room, turning off the light and glancing longingly at his unmade bed.

He sighed. It felt like it would be a long time before he got to crawl back under his covers. With a deep breath, Tyler closed the door and rushed downstairs.

* * *

Josh doesn't mind not having found his soul mate yet. Really. He totally doesn’t. He’s young, and free, and there’s no one to nag him or boss him around yet. It’s a relief, not having to worry about accidentally hurting anyone’s feelings, or having to spend time with someone when he’d rather be listening to music or playing his drums. He’s fine. He’s alright. He’s… not fooling anyone.

It’s obvious to his friends that he wishes he had his soul mate every time they catch him watching them, or some other couple, with sad brown eyes. It makes his friends wish they could snap their fingers and magic up some perfect soul for Josh, but they can only wait with him for the one to show up. It’s obvious to his mom when she walks into his bedroom and sees him just laying there on his bed, staring at the ceiling, or when she walks down to the basement to put on another load of washing and sees Josh sitting at his drum set, staring off into space. It’s obvious to everyone, including Josh, himself.

He used to feel pretty lucky to not have a soul mate: he was different and interesting and lots of people said they were jealous, but then he realised they were joking, because no one would actually want to live without the total bliss that came with finding the one. No one would want to return to the emptiness of their former lives. Josh was young but lonely: he was free but unhappy. Sure, he had plenty of time to find the one. He was only seventeen. But still, it felt like he was the only one left without a soul mate, because _everyone_ at school seemed to have theirs.

His friends were all disgustingly happy, each one of them practically joined at the hip with their soul mate. Pete and Patrick had been the first ones to actually meet. Josh had introduced them, actually, and within moments they'd been giggling away in a corner like children. They’d been together three years now. Next, Brendon and Dallon had met. Brendon was a reckless class clown, and, well, he still was, but now he had Dallon to occasionally pull his feet back down to the ground or call off any really dumb stunts before someone got hurt, or expelled. Frank and Gerard had only been going out for a few months, but they were adorable together. They were either bickering or giggling or cuddling or heatedly making out, and Josh didn't know which one made him feel more uncomfortable.

Josh was worried. Worried that his soul mate wouldn't live up to his expectations. He’d had longer than his friends to fantasise about a perfect future- a perfect soul mate- so who could blame him for realising that there was _no way_ a human being could be as perfect as Josh was imagining them. What if he didn't like the same music? What if he listened to Top 40? What if he didn't like the way Josh dyed his hair? What if they didn't find his dopey smile as endearing as his friends claimed they would? What if his soul mate had high expectations, too, and Josh didn't live up to them?

He was filled with anxiety at the concept of finding his soul mate. He definitely wasn't cut out for that sort of pressure, and he sometimes convinced himself that he was glad he hadn't found the one yet, but then he’d glance at his friends and see how easy having a soul mate was- how effortless it seemed to just love and be loved. He hated the way people looked at him, too, with horrible pity. Nearly every day Josh would glance up and find at least one of his friends staring at him with big, sad eyes, as if wondering why it hadn't happened for him yet. Josh tried not to lose his temper when he caught them looking.

The truth was, all his friends were with their true loves, and they’d never been happier. Brendon could hardly keep his hands off Dallon for longer than a few moments; Pete was always staring at Patrick with admiration; Frank never bothered to hide his bedroom eyes whenever he looked at Gee. All of them were always giggling and smiling and cuddling and making out, and Josh just wanted to know what he’d done to be unworthy of that. What had he done to deserve this aching loneliness?

On days when he’d spent too much time with his friends, he’d come home feeling terrible and insecure. He thought he’d make a good boyfriend, if his soul mate would just give him the chance. Usually he could cover up his melancholia with a well timed joke or an easy smile, but sometimes his mother would walk in at the wrong moment and know immediately what was wrong, and Josh wouldn't be able to resist spilling his guts. She’d hug him and promise that it would happen, and he just had to be patient, but Josh felt like he’d been waiting too long already. He felt like he’d been alone long enough. When Josh was in one of those moods, patience really wasn't a virtue he possessed.

But Josh was okay, really. He was healthy and ~~for the most part~~ happy, and he knew his soul mate would be worth waiting for. He just hoped they didn't keep him waiting too much longer.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Tyler tugs down on the left sleeve of his jacket without meaning to. It’s a nervous habit he’s been doing more and more recently, with the intention of hiding his absent soul mark. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time the movement just drew eyes to his blank wrist, and then people would pester him about it, or ask dumb questions. Now, sitting in a second period music lesson on his first day at the new school, he accidentally draws attention to his missing mark.

He'd expected to have to sit alone in all his lessons for the entire year, so it was a pleasant surprise when a softly spoken blond guy introduced himself and offered him  the empty seat beside his. The guy's name was Patrick, and it was Patrick's blue eyes that fell to Tyler's left wrist when he tugged on his sleeve. In a fraction of a second, Tyler went from being grateful for Patrick's company to wishing he hadn't bothered. Tyler was tense for a moment, waiting for Patrick to say something, but he remained silent, clearly sensing that Tyler didn't want to talk about it.

When Tyler finally glanced Patrick's way, he caught the ghost of a smile playing across his face. He looked up and met Tyler's gaze, both silent. After a moment, Patrick looked away, gazing at his own left wrist, and the messy writing there. He looked back at Tyler and smiled softly, "No soulmate yet, huh?" He asked simply. Tyler shook his head, hoping Patrick wouldn't make a big deal about it. "Maybe you'll meet them here," Patrick said, grinning, "The universe has a plan, dude. Maybe that's why you had to move, so you could be in the right place at the right time." Clearly he'd mistaken Tyler's discomfort for melancholy over being alone. That made sense, Tyler supposed. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to meet the one? Well, besides Tyler.

Tyler snorted, “Or maybe my dad just couldn't turn down the job.” He drummed his fingers lightly against the tabletop, trying to focus on his work. He was using charcoals, and now his hands and wrists were smudged with the stuff. “I’m not really interested in having a soulmate right now, it’s cool.” Tyler shrugged, ignoring Patrick’s round eyes.

Sitting across from Tyler, Brendon looked up, “Hold up, why don't you want a soulmate? They’re great.” He grinned, “Right, Patrick?” Patrick nodded earnestly. Brendon gazed at Tyler for a moment, looking thoughtful, before he suddenly clapped his hands together excitedly, “Josh Dun.” He said abruptly, and Patrick grinned, eyes widening. “Josh is great. You’d like him. We could introduce you guys?” Brendon propositioned cheerily, and Patrick nodded again, even more enthusiastic this time.

Tyler, squirming under the pressure of Patrick and Brendon's eyes, shook his head, biting his bottom lip. He tugged on his jacket sleeve again, and his eyebrows drew together anxiously. He hated this. This was exactly what he'd been afraid would happen. He thought of his old school, where the novelty of him being alone had more or less worn off. "No, that's okay." He said firmly, his right hand flying up to rub his neck and throat, ~~another nervous habit~~ , forgetting about his stained hands and the charcoal he'd doubtless smeared across his skin.

Brendon seemed disheartened, but after a few moments of trying to convince Tyler of how great this Josh guy was, he went back to his work. Patrick was pouting slightly, looking a little concerned, but after a while of Tyler not meeting his eyes, he, too, went back to his work. Tyler let out a breath of relief as everyone stopped focusing on him. He wondered what the chances of Josh Dun being his soulmate were. They were probably pretty high, seeing as hardly anyone else was alone at this point. He glanced at Patrick and tried to be as sly as possible while blatantly staring at the guy's soul mark. The name  _Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III_  was spelled out in messy shorthand.

Tyler sighed, tugging once again on his sleeve: he felt so conflicted.

* * *

 

"Patrick, drop it," Josh said sulkily, "I'm sure this guy isn't my soulmate, and even if he is, he," Josh hesitated, hating the sudden tightness in his chest, "He doesn't want to know me." Josh sighed: he'd been given false hope before, and it had been crushing to meet eyes with someone he hoped might be the one, only to feel absolutely nothing. He didn't want to go through that again- and his friends knew that! He couldn't understand why Patrick would even tell him this. He glanced up at Patrick and sighed again: the light in Patrick's eyes was dangerously infectious.

"His name is  _Tyler_ ," Patrick retorted, "Look, Josh, I know you're nervous, and I get it." He bit his lip and Josh rolled his eyes when he saw Patrick glance quickly at Pete. "But he could be the one." Patrick grinned, "You owe it to yourself, and Tyler, to find out!" Pete, who was sitting right next to Patrick, laughed softly at his boyfriend's hopeful expression, and then shrugged at Josh, as if saying what have you got to lose?  Josh frowned. Sure, he didn't have anything to lose, and he'd meet Tyler at some point anyway: it wasn't a very big school. Still, he didn't want to set himself up for another fall. Although, he thought, Tyler is a really nice name. Tyler sounds right, somehow. He took a deep breath. "So, what, did you tell him you'd introduce us?" Josh asked begrudgingly.

Patrick grimaced at this and glanced away guiltily, turning his attention to Brendon, who was sitting on the floor, leaning against Pete and Patrick's sofa. Brendon was doing a remarkably good job at staying silent, for possibly the first time in his life. Patrick's anxious eyes turned back to Josh. He spoke gingerly, "Well, I did offer. He sort of, er, said no."

Josh raised one eyebrow, "He said no? He doesn't even know me!" Josh was a sensible person: he knew that Tyler's decision had nothing to do with him, and he knew that he had no right to feel so insulted, but in that moment, there weren't many rational thoughts in his head. He  _was_  insulted.

"If it makes you feel any better," Brendon commented, "I don't think it's personal." He shrugged, "I think he just doesn't want to find his soulmate."

"No, Brendon, funnily enough, that doesn't make me feel any better," Josh replied bitterly, crossing his arms, his frown deeper than ever. Patrick sighed, seeing how Josh had slumped further down in his chair.

Patrick sighed and dropped his head against Pete's arm, "Maybe he's just nervous?" Pete shifted and wrapped his arm around Patrick's shoulders almost immediately, as if it wasn't even a conscious movement: it was just natural. It was moments like those that made Josh want his soulmate.

"Maybe he's already dating someone?" Brendon added, unhelpfully. Pete looked insulted on Josh's behalf, and Josh couldn't help the indignant noise he made.

"Hey, we don't know anything for sure," Patrick said hastily. He shot a glare at Brendon, "He didn't say he was seeing anyone. He just said he wasn't interested in having a soulmate." He bit his lip again when he noticed Josh's pout.

"And what if he  _is_  the one?" Josh asked, his voice too high to be nonchalant. "He obviously doesn't want to be with his soulmate. He'll probably just tell me to fuck off."

"Hey, lots of people don't want a soulmate, and then they change their mind when they find the one! You remember how Frank was before he met Gerard. He didn't give a damn about soulmates, but then he met Gee, and everything changed!" He was looking hopeful again. "Maybe the same will happen for you and Tyler! I bet he's just just nervous about meeting you, Josh.

"Besides," Pete added, looking highly amused, "Who could resist that face?" Patrick giggled. Josh glared at Pete.

"Soulmates are paired up for a reason, dude," Brendon said suddenly, "It's never random. Maybe he needs you. You don't know what's going on in his head."

The mood was suddenly tense. Josh sighed, louder than was necessary. He felt more conflicted than ever. He looked down and found that he couldn't stop staring at his blank wrist. He longed for the day he'd see a name printed there.

"Bren's right, Josh." Patrick said solemnly, "You know how low Gee was before he found Frankie. I don't even want to think about what Gee might've done if Frankie hadn't been around to help." Josh bit his lip at the thought. "Listen, you deserve to be happy. It'll happen. We just want to help."

Josh craned his neck to look up at the ceiling, because he couldn't bare to look at his blank wrist, and he didn't want to meet Patrick's eyes. After a moment he closed his eyes. He didn't care that he was sulking.

" _Anyway_ ," Pete said brightly, breaking the silence, "Tyler might not even be your soulmate, so don't worry too much."

"Yeah," Brendon said, "Just introduce yourself tomorrow."

Patrick smiled cheerily, "What's the worst that could happen?"

Josh didn't open his eyes, and he tried not to think of all the possible answers to Pete's question. _What's the worst that could happen?_  He decided there were plenty of terrible things that could happen- namely rejection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry if it sucks. I was having trouble picking a soul mark for the story, but it's basically that the name pops up on their wrist the first time they meet each other's eyes. There'll be more on that next chapter. I'll post again soon. I think they'll meet next chapter, and then the real fun can begin!  
> Thanks for the comments! It makes the writing process so much more fun!


	3. Chapter 3

Tyler first saw the dreaded Josh Dun from across the school cafeteria. It was his second day at the school, and from the moment his eyes landed on the tall, pink haired boy, a sort of trance came over him. All he could do was  _stare_. Luckily, he was stood by his locker, where he was relatively hidden from view. Somewhere in the back of his head, he knew that the boy had to be Josh Dun. He  _knew_ that if he wanted to avoid Josh Dun, he should immediately vacate the area, and he definitely wanted to avoid Josh Dun. Sadly, Tyler found himself unable to move. He could hardly  _think_ , let alone think sensibly.

The boy wasn't facing him, so all Tyler could see was his back. Tyler didn't know what was wrong with him, but he didn't really care much at the time. There wasn't much special about Josh Dun, aside from his cute, pink hair. He wore black skinny jeans, an open blue and red plaid shirt ~~presumably over a t-shirt~~  and black trainers. There was something endearing about the way his shoulders shook as he laughed at something a short, dark haired boy said. Not to mention, the boy's broad shoulders were attractive as well as endearing.

He only noticed that Josh Dun was standing with Patrick and Brendon when Patrick raised an arm and waved cheerily to him. The movement jolted him out of his trance and he realised the severity of the situation. Patrick's eyes follow Tyler's gaze, and then his blue eyes have widened with understanding, and he's smiling: _he's seen Tyler staring, and he knows who he's staring at_. Brendon shoved the pink-haired boy's shoulder and said something excitedly, dark eyes clearly focused on Tyler. Just as Josh Dun started to turn, Tyler spun on his heel and left the cafeteria, not even bothering to close his locker door. It's empty anyway.

Tyler's head is a mess. He finds a quiet area outside, with a bench, and sits down. Soon the bell rings, signalling that first period is about to begin, but Tyler doesn't move. He doesn't go to his first period math lesson, and then he doesn't go to his second period art lesson, because there is absolutely  _no way_ he can face Patrick now. He's annoyed at himself for skipping lessons on his second day at the school. What does that say about him? Normally, his brain would be spitting words of self-hatred at him, but all he can think about is  _Josh Dun_. Suddenly the name sounds ridiculously nice in his head.  _Josh Dun_.

_Crap_. All Tyler can think is that his life will never be the same. At least now he knows what Josh Dun looks like: he can avoid him now. He can make it perfectly clear to Patrick and Brendon that he never wants to look Josh Dun in the eyes, and hopefully they'll respect his wishes. Tyler supposes they'll help keep them apart, because, really, if Patrick and Brendon care about their friend at all, they'll want him to find someone better than Tyler Fucking Joseph.

He feels tears prickling his eyes and shuts them quickly. He's sitting with his elbows on his thighs, his head in his hands. Tyler presses his palms against his eyes, trying to stop the tears. He doesn't want a soulmate,  _really_ , he doesn't. He knows he'll only make _the one_ miserable, and then he'll be even more miserable than he already is. He knows that he's better off without someone depending on him, expecting things of him. He knows he's better off alone, with only his depressing thoughts to keep him company. But still, all the stories he's heard are swarming in his head: stories about people who are better with  _the one_ , who are completed and happy and  _deserving_. He's thinking about how maybe the universe isn't all bad: maybe the universe has one shred of kindness for Tyler Joseph. Maybe Josh Dun is all it would take to make Tyler Joseph  _happy_.

He almost laughs at the very concept of happiness. He'll never be happy, and he's made peace with that.

He's torn from his thoughts when a kind but hesitant voice speaks to him, "Are you okay?"

Tyler glances up without even thinking.

The ground falls away from under him, or at least that's how it feels.

_The pink-haired boy from the cafeteria is looking at him, wide eyed and mouth agape._

_Tyler's wrist is burning._

_Crap_. Tyler finds it even harder to tear his eyes from Josh Dun now than he did back in the cafeteria. The boy has a very nice face. He isn't classically attractive like Brendon, and he isn't cute like Patrick. In fact, Tyler doesn't think he's ever seen a face like this one. He's very attractive, with soft brown eyes and pink lips and scruffy hair. His eyes are wide and filled with concern, but after the shock has worn off, his lips pull up into a grin. Tyler is only able to look away because the pain in his wrist is  _so_ awful,  _so_ intense. He raises his hand and pulls back his sleeve  ~~just a bit~~ to look at his burning wrist, and there it is. He doesn't know what else he expected to find there. He doesn't know why he's surprised.  _Joshua William Dun_. The name. There it is. His  _soulmate's_ name.

Tyler wants to cry, and he's surprised when he feels  _actual tears_ running down his cheeks, because  _holy fuck_ he thought he had a little more control over his emotions. He thought he'd be able to at least bottle up his emotions until he got home. He didn't realise what a complete and utter  _train wreck_ he was. He's  _actually crying_ , in front of his soulmate. The first thing his soulmate will ever see him do is cry like a total fucking mess. At least there won't be any pretences, Tyler supposes. Josh's eyes are massive and he looks totally freaked out. Josh is panicking, and Tyler feels a sudden rush of sympathy, because he can only imagine how awful it must be for Josh to finally find the fucking one, only to find that  _the one_ is a total fucking mess. The jolt of sympathy is followed by guilt, which is quickly replaced by that familiar self-loathing. The black parade of thoughts in his head are enough to have his breath hitching, his chest aching, his palms digging into his eyes, pressing aggressively, with every intention of inflicting pain on himself.

And Josh is so nice, Tyler realises. Josh saw a stranger in distress and stopped to ask if he was okay. Tyler could be wrong, he certainly had been in the past, but Josh seemed like a good guy. He doubtless deserved better than Tyler Joseph: someone _nicer_ , someone _better looking_ , someone with _less issues and less scars_. Oh,  _fuck_ _,_ now Tyler is hyperaware of the scars further up his wrists.

Without any warning, Tyler feels large hands on his narrow wrists, gently pulling them away so his hands aren't covering his face. Through his cloudy vision, Tyler sees that Josh is sitting next to him on the bench now, softly coaxing Tyler to turn so they're facing one another. Tyler looks at Josh's hands, then his gaze moves to Josh's wrist, and he sees his own hurried handwriting on the fair skin there:  _Tyler Joseph_.

"Hey, don't cry," Josh tries warily, "I'm not so bad, I promise!"

Those words only serve to make Tyler cry harder. He's  _so_ embarrassed. Tyler wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He wishes a sudden flash of lightning would strike him dead. But no. The ground remained unchanged: the sky remained sunny. He remained there, mortified and petrified. He knew coming to a new school would be bad. He knew he'd meet his soulmate. He knew Josh Dun would be the one. He'd known all along what would happen, and how miserable it would make him, but he'd been powerless to stop it from happening. He thought of his second-period art lesson. He should have gone. He'd rather have looked into Patrick's eyes than Joshua William Dun's.

_Crap_.

* * *

Josh doesn't have a fucking clue what to do. He supposed he'd thought there might be some truth to what Patrick had said, that maybe Tyler really was just nervous, but he hadn't expected him to be so scared. He hadn't expected the guy to break down in tears at the very sight of him. _Maybe he just had a low pain tolerance? Maybe his wrist just hurt a lot?_ Josh was clutching at straws. He was desperate to find some reason for his soulmate's sadness- some reason other than himself. It was obvious, though. Tyler really hadn't wanted his soulmate. Maybe it  _was_ personal, Josh thought. Maybe he didn't like the look of Josh. Maybe he didn't want his soulmate to be a guy? Maybe he already loved someone else?  _Fuck,_ the very idea of Tyler loving someone else was painful. He didn't even know the guy, yet he felt as though his heart was literally  _breaking_ in his chest, just from seeing him in such a state.

"Tyler?" Josh asked, gently squeezing the guy's wrists. Tyler was hysterical. It never even occurred to Josh to take offence. He didn't care what Tyler thought of him in that moment,  ~~not much anyway~~. He just wanted Tyler to feel better, to calm down, to be  _happy_. Josh wished his first meeting with Tyler could have gone like his friends' first meetings with their soulmates. Josh wished Tyler had smiled at the sight of him: wished they could have just felt relief and happiness and peace. As he looked at Tyler's shaking form, Josh couldn't help feeling as though he'd never feel any of those things again.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked softly, not wanting to make things worse. "What can I do? Are you having a panic attack or something? Can I help?" He squeezes Tyler's hands again and bits his lip. He longs for action, something to do. He needs to _do something to help_. Tyler shakes his head. "No, you're not having a panic attack?" Josh asks, "Or no, I can't help?" 

Tyler doesn't respond.

They sit in silence for a few moments until Tyler stops crying. Tyler is leaning heavily against the bench, and Josh feels very stiff, as if he might break if he moves too fast: tension has invaded every part of his body. Tyler is still now: he's stopped shaking, sobbing and gasping. There's a concerning coldness in his dark eyes, and he seems scarily reserved. Josh doesn't understand why the guy won't just give him a shot, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't drop to his knees and kiss the guy's shoes just for a chance at winning his favour.

When Tyler speaks, his voice is weak and sad. "You should just go." Tyler says, dropping his eyes and refusing to look at Josh's massive, worried eyes. "You don't want me." He doesn't sound upset, really, or insulted. He sounds like he's expected this all along.

Josh lets out a puff of air in surprise, "What?" He asks, confused.

"Look, it's for the best we just forget about it, okay? Soulmates. It won't work. You'll be unhappy. I'll be unhappy. You should just go." He swallows loudly and Josh notices that Tyler's hands are shaking. "I won't be angry." He says.

Josh doesn't understand. _At all_. Tyler is saying one thing, but the bleakness in his eyes, the sadness in his voice tell a different story. Josh senses that there is so much more going on beneath the surface. He smiles, even though it's the last thing he feels like doing, and releases Tyler's wrists. Tyler closes his eyes, his shoulders tense. He's holding his breath. He's waiting to hear Josh's feet walking away, putting distance between them, but then he feels those large hands closing around Tyler's own, smaller hands. He opens his eyes and look up, into Josh's eyes.

Josh's eyes crinkle when he smiles. It's completely adorable.

"I'm not going anywhere, man." He says. He shifts closer to Tyler. He wants to wrap his arms around Tyler's shoulders, but he doesn't want to send Tyler into another fit of tears by invading his personal space too much. He could be overstepping by holding the guy's hands. but he really doesn't want to let go of them. Tyler is very stiff at first. They're shoulder-to-shoulder, and Josh's leg is resting against Tyler's. After a few moments, Tyler seems to sort of give in. He relaxes. He feels ridiculously tired- probably because of all the crying. Without his consent, his head falls against Josh's shoulder. It's a bit awkward, because Tyler is actually a bit taller than his soulmate, but he finds he doesn't mind much in the moment. That trance has come over him again. He can't think sensibly. He can't think at all, really. He notices how Josh's breath hitches when he rests his head against Josh's shoulder, but not even that makes him move.

"Why aren't you in lesson?" Tyler asks eventually.

Josh shrugs, "Patrick texted me. Told me you weren't in art." He glances at Tyler from his peripheral vision, afraid that any movement on his part will scare Tyler away. Josh is aware that he's treading on eggshells, treating Tyler like a timid kitten, but he doesn't care at all. "I mean, I saw you leave the cafeteria this morning, and I was worried." He shrugged again, then cursed himself for moving his shoulder, "I was looking for you."

"I'm sorry you found me." Tyler said quietly. He's closed his eyes, but Josh doesn't think he's asleep. Josh is concerned by the sincerity in Tyler's voice.

"I'm not." Josh replies quickly. He squeezes Tyler's hands again.

He knows that things are complicated, and that this whole  _soulmates_ thing is gonna be harder than he'd expected, but, in that moment, he feels pretty good. His confusing, complex soulmate is resting his head on his shoulder, and that feels pretty fucking good. Sure, his soulmate is  ~~so far~~  prone to emotional outbursts, but Josh will figure out how to help Tyler with that. He _was_ his soulmate for a reason, like Brendon said.

Not to mention, Tyler Joseph was seriously attractive, and his name looked totally sick on Josh's wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this way too much.  
> Fuck, it's, like, twenty to three. I need to get up in a few hours for college :(  
> Oh well. Hope this chapter was okay! Sorry if it sucked and sorry if it was a bit sappy at the end there. I can't wait to write some cute joshler scenes, but there'll probably be quite a lot of angst coming up too. I'll post again soon!  
> Oh, and thank you for all the comments! It means so much and I love reading them! xxx


	4. Chapter 4

Tyler goes home early, and, despite Tyler's protests, Josh insists on walking him there. Tyler  _loathes_ the idea of Josh knowing where he lives, because it makes his home seem so much less secure. He knows, as he and Josh turn a corner and his house comes into view, that he won't be able to hide from his soulmate in his bedroom anymore. The list of safe spaces is getting way too short for Tyler's liking, and he considers, briefly, lying to Josh. He could say that he lived across the road, or a few streets away, but a glance in Josh's direction lets Tyler know that Josh will not leave his side until he's crossed the threshold of his new house. Tyler sighs and gestures towards his cookie-cutter house, with it's white picket fence and it's identical neighbours.

To be honest, Tyler is feeling very unhappy, because he and Josh are getting along far too well. He'd hoped to keep his soulmate at arms length, but he kept slipping up. Josh was kind, and funny, and sometimes he'd say something and Tyler would laugh before his mind could catch up with his mouth and tell him to  _be quiet_. Josh grins every time he manages to make Tyler laugh, as if it's some personal victory, but he can't ignore the way Tyler's shoulders stiffen every time his laugh meets his own ears, so Josh falls silent, too, for a moment, wondering what's going on in Tyler's head.

He hesitates at his door, waiting for Josh to leave, but when he doesn't, he goes ahead and unlocks the door, making no secret of his annoyance. Once inside, he awkwardly teeters from one foot to the other, and he makes the mistake of meeting Josh's hopeful eyes. He sighs. Josh is waiting for Tyler to invite him inside. Tyler has absolutely  _no_ intention of inviting the guy in. He's already spent way too much time with the guy. He's let his guard down enough for the day. He still couldn't believe he'd cried in front of the guy. He couldn't believe he'd let the guy hold his hands.  _Fuck_ , this was worse than Tyler had imagined it being, which was saying a lot, considering how malicious his mind could be.

"Okay, well, I'll see you around, I guess," Tyler says, frowning, "Bye." Josh's mouth opens and he looks as if he's about to say something in the hopes of stopping Tyler from swinging the door closed, but then they hear a voice calling Tyler's name from another room, and Tyler can actually  _see_ the way Josh perks up at the sound, as if there's nothing Josh wants more than to meet his soulmate's mother. Tyler is distracted by Josh's hopeful expression, and that's his only excuse for why he didn't manage to slam the door in his adorable face before his mother came up behind him.

"Tyler, what are you doing home?" His mother asks, sounding tired and inconvenienced. This wasn't the first time Tyler had cut school, and she wasn't entirely surprised. She was ready to jump straight into a lecture, when she noticed the boy standing at their door. "Who's this?" Tyler had never brought friends home before, not even at their old house, so she was understandably surprised. Her surprise is, perhaps, the reason she doesn't pick up on the tension between her son and the boy at the door.

Tyler's mouth opens but he says nothing. He glances at his mother, then back at Josh, and then he can't look away, because Josh is beaming up at his mother, looking far more charming than a boy with pink hair and gauges in his ears should. His eyes are doing that cute, crinkly thing again. Tyler doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want his mother to know who Josh is to him, because then she'll force him to hang out with the guy. She won't let Tyler ignore him, and Tyler knows from past reference that his mother can coerce him into doing just about anything.

"Hello, Mrs Joseph," Josh says cheerily, "I'm Josh Dun, Tyler's-" He glances at Tyler and sees how wide the his eyes are, and how he's shaking his head rapidly, his hands in fists at his sides, nails digging into his palms. He pauses nervously. He  _wants_ to tell Tyler's mom that he's his soulmate, because it feels like he's waited so damn long to introduce himself to his soulmate's mother, but he _really_ doesn't want to upset Tyler again. With an almost imperceptible sigh, Josh smiles tightly to Tyler's mom and says, "Tyler's friend." They can tell his mom when Tyler's ready. After all, he doesn't know what's going on in Tyler's life. Besides, this could be a good way of getting Tyler to trust him a little bit.

"Well, come on in," Mrs Joseph says brightly, gently pushing her son out of the doorway.

"Mom, wait-" Tyler tries, stumbling over his words and looking very flustered, "Josh is busy, he can't-" But his mother isn't listening to him, and neither is Josh. He's stepping inside, looking around as if he expects Tyler's deepest secrets to be scrawled over the floral wallpaper. Josh seems particularly interested in the framed picture of Tyler and his brother. He talks to Tyler's mom for a while, evidently not noticing how Tyler is standing a short distance away, glaring holes into the back of his head.

"Tyler wasn't feeling well, so I offered to walk him home," Josh says, shrugging and still smiling like an idiot. Tyler crosses his arms and grits his teeth: Josh is too endearing for his own good, and there is absolutely no way his mom isn't thinking about what a lovely friend her son has made. Tyler can already tell that she'll be pushing him to spend more time with Josh.

"Why don't you boys head on up to Tyler's room?" She asks.

"Josh has stuff-" Tyler starts, but then he glances at Josh and melts under his hopeful expression. What harm could it do? He just nods and leads Josh upstairs to his room. It's small and crowded with old, second-hand furniture. He sits down at his desk and watches Josh wander around the room, examining his soulmate's possessions. Tyler feels weirdly nervous: his things probably say a lot about him. He feels like Josh is getting too close again, seeing too much. Tyler's neat: everything has a place, but that isn't to say there isn't clutter.

"Whoa," Josh says suddenly, standing in front of Tyler's bookcase and looking at all the basketball trophies, "Basketball player..." Josh mumbles to himself, and Tyler is pretty sure he's impressed, judging by his cute expression. Tyler shrugs, embarrassed, and avoids Josh's eyes. "Think you'll join the team here?" Josh asks.

Tyler shrugs again, "Dunno." He bites his lip and looks up, "Maybe."

Josh grins, "I don't usually go to games, but I would if you were on the team." Tyler blushes and Josh goes back to pawing at Tyler's things. He manages to engage Tyler in conversation about his CD collection for a while, until he stiffens up again and stops talking. Tyler sits very still. There's a keyboard on Tyler's desk, and a ukulele, but Tyler refuses to play him anything, so in the end Josh just sits down on the foot of his soulmate's bed, smiling because he still can't believe he's found the one. Tyler is staring at his hands, which are pale and delicate and wringing in his lap. Tyler might be confusing, but Josh thinks maybe that's alright. Josh can't wait to learn more about his soulmate. He wants to _help_ Tyler. He wants to  _understand_ him.

"So..." Tyler says eventually, when the silence is just too much. Josh is hopeful for a moment, but then it becomes clear that that's all Tyler is going to say. Oh well. If there's one thing Josh can do, it's talk. 

"I can't believe I'm here," Josh says. Tyler looks up, about to agree, and then he notices how massive Josh's grin is. He can't believe his soulmate is such a happy guy. "I mean, it feels like I've been waiting ages to find you." He shrugs, "I guess you feel the same.." He trails off, because maybe Tyler doesn't. That would certainly explain his behaviour. "Or you don't." Josh says, not unkindly. He sees the way Tyler bristles at the accusation. "I don't want to overstep but... how come you're so sad about finding me? Is it because of the way I look? Am I too loud? Frank says I'm too excitable. I can try to calm down a bit if you want. I just want..." He bites his lip to cut off his rambling, because he doesn't want to say it out loud.  _I just want to make you happy_. Josh sighs. "Or are you already dating someone?"

Tyler surprises himself as much as Josh when he laughs. He can't help it: the very idea of Josh being the one who isn't good enough is too ridiculous. He looks up, finally meeting Josh's eyes. Josh looks painfully vulnerable, and Tyler feels a sudden rush of self-loathing. He wishes Josh could be someone else's soulmate: someone better. His unintentional smile has been replaced with a hollow one. He raises one eyebrow, "You think I'm dating someone else?" He smiles, "You think there are  _two_ people who'd be interested in someone like me?" He snorts.

Josh looks confused.

"No, I'm not dating anyone. I just... don't want a soulmate." He frowns at Josh's disheartened expression. "Don't get me wrong, you seem great. I just..." He decides to be honest. "It's a lot of pressure, you know? And I'm a mess." He laughs humourlessly, "You know that." 

"Don't say that," Josh says hotly, and Tyler flinches at the fire in his voice. Josh's chest feels tight and he bites his lip. He hadn't meant to startle Tyler, but he couldn't help the protective spark Tyler's words had brought out. "Look," Josh tries again, softer this time, "I get it. It's a lot of pressure. So why don't we just take it slow? We could just be friends for now, if you want? I just want to spend some time with you, get to know you." He's well aware that he's doing the puppy-dog-eyes thing.

Tyler considers Josh's suggestion for a moment. He's not sure. Okay, Josh is definitely much cooler than Tyler could ever hope to be, and he's a nice guy, too. He's funny and considerate and respectful to his mom. He ticks all the boxes for friendship requirements, but what if he's lying? What if he's pretending? What if he's just trying to lure him into a false sense of security? After a moment, Tyler realises that he doesn't have much say in the matter. He's gonna see the guy every day at school, and it isn't like he's got so many friends, anyway.

"Okay. Friends." Tyler says quietly, his hands wringing in his lap. He's surprised by the genuine smile Josh sends his way.

"At least until you fall madly in love with me," Josh says, and Tyler gets the uncomfortable feeling that Josh is only partly joking.

Patrick calls him a half hour later, wondering where he is, so Josh doesn't stay as long as he'd like, but he's still in pretty high spirits as he leaves. Things are still weird and complicated, but at least now Tyler's willing to hold a conversation with him. That's a start. He's torn between going back to school and going home, but in the end the need to talk to his friends wins out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit of a nothing chapter. I'll post more soon :) Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so (so so so) sorry that this update has taken so long! I've been writing it for ages and just haven't been happy with it. I'm so nervous because I like this story so much but how do I get words from my brain hOw HoW hOw? Oh well. Thanks for the patience. I'll try and post again soon!
> 
> Also... I really appreciate any comments you guys leave!

Still in high spirits, Josh walked back to school. He’d considered just going home, but his mom would find out somehow and be pissed, and besides, Josh was eager to inform his friends of the new revelations in his and Tyler’s relationship. He thought they’d made some serious steps towards fixing things. Sure, it had been awkward and stiff, and Tyler hadn’t wanted to tell his mom, but Josh was okay with that, or at least he could pretend he was, which was pretty much the same thing.

Josh was okay with waiting for Tyler. The guy seemed worth it, despite his weirdness and reluctance to accept true love. Things weren’t going to be simple for him and Tyler, but maybe that would make the end result even better. People are always going on about how the best relationships start as _just friends_. There were so many romantic comedies about it! Not that Josh usually took life advice from romcom’s… 

So, yes, he’d been pretty confident when he sat down opposite his friends in the cafeteria. They were all eager to hear about Tyler, since Patrick and Pete had filled them in on all they knew. Brendon, Pete, Patrick, Frank, Melanie and Ashley had all dragged chairs over to their tiny table and crowded around Josh, grinning and congratulating him. Josh usually didn’t like to be the centre of attention, but he found he didn’t really mind talking about Tyler for an audience.

In fact, he was so wrapped up in telling the story, he didn’t notice their expressions of thinly veiled disappointment. Josh raised one eyebrow after they’d all sat in silence for a moment. “What?”

Frank was the first to speak. He sighed loudly and slumped forward on the table, pillowing his head on his arm. His expression was dismal, his voice not unkind, “You’re a fucking idiot, Josh.”

Josh’s eyes widened in surprise but he didn’t reply. He glanced around at his friends, expecting them to jump to his defence, but they all avoided his gaze- even Patrick, which was a very bad sign. No one even had the graciousness to tell Frank to shut up. Melanie is biting her bottom lip nervously and vaguely inspecting her nails. Pete was the first to actually look at Josh, and he wished he hadn’t as soon as he met Josh’s worried eyes.

Pete exhaled sadly and shook his head apologetically, “Sorry, mate.”

Brendon looked at Josh like he could hardly recognise him and frowned, “I can’t believe you did that, man.” He grimaced, looking down at his lunch with disinterest. “You are _never_ going to get laid at this rate.”

Josh scoffs, trying not to let their reaction spoil his perfectly good mood, “What are you guys talking about?”

Ashley grimaced and grumbled, “We’re talking about the shipwreck you call a relationship.” She caught her breath sharply and looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Sorry.” She mumbled, starting to mess with her long hair, just so she wouldn’t have to look at Josh. She was thinking about cutting it, or dying it another colour: she was _not_ thinking about Josh, or his hurt feelings.

Josh, sounding uncertain, argued, “I was being a gentleman?” It came out as a question, not a statement like he’d hoped.

“You _were_ being a gentleman.” Melanie said in a falsely enthusiastic voice. She tried again a moment later, “Tyler will appreciate you being patient. There might be more to him than meets the eye.”

Frank had closed his eyes, “Or he’ll appreciate you giving him an easy way out. He’ll never give you a chance if he thinks you’re okay with just being friends.” Frank felt guilty saying it, because Josh was doing those unintentional puppy dog eyes, and Frank was sure _no one_ was immune to them. Except maybe this Tyler guy.

“Not necessarily,” Melanie argued, not sure if she really believed her own words. She just hated to see Josh look so sad. “Maybe there’s something going on with him. Maybe he needs you more than you know.” She shrugs her shoulders delicately, “I think you did the right thing, Josh.” She feels a little more certain now. “It’s better for him to see you as a friend than nothing at all.” When Josh’s face fell, she rushed to add, “For now, for now!”

Josh was silent for a moment, just thinking, then he smiled, trying to regain some of his lost self-assurance. “I get what you guys are saying, but this thing with me and Tyler… it’s difficult. It’s new and weird and I don’t think either of us really know what to do.”

Patrick spoke tentatively, “We’re just worried you might have made things harder.”

“Don’t you think I want to be his boyfriend?” Josh sighed. He shook his head sadly, “Earlier today, Tyler would hardly talk to me. He wouldn’t tell me anything about himself.” Josh scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I’m gonna try and get him to eat lunch with me- us, I guess- tomorrow.” He narrowed his eyes on Brendon. “Don’t be dumb.”

Brendon flushed pink and threw up his hands in mild outrage, “What are you looking at me for?” He exclaimed in a high, insulted voice. No one spoke up in his defence.

"We'll be cool, man." Frank said respectfully. The others nodded, except for Brendon who was still sulking.

Josh didn’t speak much through the rest of lunch, and his friends respectfully avoided the topic. Josh had been thinking about what Melanie had said and, as usual, she was absolutely right: he would rather be a friend to Tyler than nothing at all.

* * *

 

Tyler’s been sitting at his desk for nearly an hour now, his homework spread out in front of him, pen in hand, but he can’t think of anything but Joshua William Dun, and his dumb smile. Tyler groans aloud, dropping his pen in favour of dragging his nails through his hair in frustration. This is just terrible. This would be _so_ much easier if Josh was some ridiculous jerk. If he was a ridiculous jerk, no one would judge or condemn Tyler for wanting to keep him at arm’s length. If only Josh was a bad person, then Tyler wouldn’t feel so awful whenever his pretty face fell in disappointment. It _hurt_ to actually be wanted, when Tyler just couldn’t get over his own feelings of worthlessness: when Tyler was the only thing standing in the way of his own contentment.

Why did Josh want him? What had he done to justify Josh’s interest? Did the innate soulmate bond mean Josh was unable to really _see_ him? Was it just instinct that drew him to Tyler? Oh, Tyler just didn’t know how much more of this he could take. He both wanted to be close to Josh and far away. He wanted to watch him from a safe distance, really. He wanted to be his friend, maybe. He just didn’t want to let him too close. He didn’t want Josh to see him in his darkest moments, when the voices in his head got too loud. He didn’t want Josh to take him on, then leave him alone.  What if he let Josh in, and then Josh realised he couldn’t fix him. He wasn’t enough to save Tyler: no one was. What if Josh _left_?

Tyler was okay with that. He just didn’t want any false hope.

Tyler just feels uncertain. He’s always been indecisive, but he’s never had to make a decision so important before. He’d never had anyone else’s weight on his shoulders. He’d never _really_ had to consider someone else’s emotions. It was easy to fake a smile for his family, just to make them happy, to stop them from worrying. It was harder to fake a smile for Josh, evidently.

Fuck, he still can’t believe he _cried_ in front of the guy. Just the memory makes him want to throw up from embarrassment and self-loathing. His mind is warping it, too, in his head. It’s turning Josh’s kind hands into something different. It’s imagining Josh’s disgust, his confusion, his laughter. He’s imagining Josh telling all his friends about his freaky soulmate, and it’s making the tears start again.

Fuck, he can’t remember the last time he was this emotional. Usually he just feels sort of hollow, numb. Detached. He stopped caring a long time ago. Sometimes that’s why he cuts, to feel something again. He used to cut for the opposite reason: to stop feeling, even for a few minutes. It’s like he let out a year’s worth of emotion when he met Josh, like the walls came down and he couldn’t _stop_. All he could do was cry like an idiot.

There’s a familiar voice in Tyler’s head now. It sounds like his own, but darker, deeper. It feeds him cruel lies and insults and unsetting thoughts of how he’s let Josh down. **Josh waited for you, and this is how you treat him?** Tyler squeezes his eyes shut, as if that will be enough to block out the voice. It’s _never_ enough. **You’re worthless. You’re a disappointment to everyone.** Tyler scrambles to his feet, tears turning his eyesight bleary. He shakily crosses his room and then the hall, and then he locks himself in the shared bathroom.

His mom is downstairs. She could come up here looking for something. She could come looking for him.

That isn’t enough to stop him from standing in front of the mirror, looking at himself. His hair is a mess because he’s run his hands through it so much. His eyes are watery. There are tears streaming down his cheeks. His hands are shaking as he opens a cupboard and find one of the spare razors. It’s shiny and silver and the too-bright sunlight coming through the window makes it glint and flash angrily.

Tyler drops it, and it falls into the sink with a clatter, but as soon as he’s closed the blinds, shutting himself into the darkness, he’s picked it back up and, with still shaking hands, he starts to cut.

The motion is familiar and horribly comforting and soon he isn’t crying anymore. He doesn’t cut much, because he can hear his mom singing along to the radio downstairs and the idea of her finding him scares him, or maybe just the sound of her being happy is enough to guilt him into dropping the razor. He doesn’t _want_ to make anyone unhappy. Josh’s face comes to mind and Tyler bites his lip, hard enough to taste copper.

He takes care of his cuts, cleaning them and then wrapping bandages around them. He’s got a kit hidden away in the back of the cupboard, concealed behind spare shampoo bottles and toothpaste cartons. He isn’t crying anymore, thankfully, and before long he’s bound up all the cuts. He’s okay. He cleans up the mess he’s made and hides the used razor in his kit.

He’s tired by the time he gets back to his bedroom, so he just changes into pyjama bottoms and a massive hoodie, and he gets into bed. It takes him a while to fall asleep because his mind is still racing, but eventually he does, and then he sleeps through the whole day, until his mom is knocking on his bedroom door to tell him dinner is ready.

He eats dinner quickly. He can hardly bring himself to meet his parents’ eyes. He always feels consumed with guilt in the aftermath of cutting himself. He can’t stop thinking about what they would say if they found out. What if he hadn’t bound his cuts correctly and the blood came through his sleeve? He shudders to think of it. As soon as he’s finished he makes his excuses: he tells them he has homework to do for tomorrow, and then he wants an early night.

He doesn’t think they entirely believe him, but they don’t argue.

He tries to ignore the voice in his head, telling him they don’t care. He _knows_ they do. He _knows_ they love him. Sometimes he forgets, but right now he knows. He thinks of Josh and then gets into bed, determined to just go to sleep, because he can’t worry about soulmates and expectations if he’s sleeping. Still, it takes him a while to fall asleep, because he can’t stop thinking about Josh’s pretty eyes, and the way he smiles like he doesn’t know anyone can see him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for ty... my poor angel...


	6. Chapter 6

Tyler considers not going to school. It’s so tempting. He doesn’t want to face his own reflection, let alone Josh. But he also doesn’t want to face his mother, who always knows when he’s feigning illness. She’d probably insist on him going to school- or worse, force the truth out of him. Besides, Tyler realises glumly, Josh knows where he lives. It wouldn’t take long for him to bunk off school and come visit. Tyler doesn’t doubt for a moment that Josh would come over the moment Patrick notified him of his absence from Art.

So Tyler does drag himself out of bed.

As soon as he’s up, he remembers self-harming and groans. He’d really been trying to stop. He was perpetually afraid his parents would find out, or he’d slip up and someone at school would catch a glimpse of his scars… Just the thought is enough to make Tyler shift uneasily on his feet. He _really_ doesn’t want that to happen. He checks the bandaging on his most recent cuts and sighs. There are red stains, and they’re too noticeable to leave.

He carefully removes the bandages and sets them on them down on the windowsill. He can’t leave them in the bin: someone could find them. Tyler decides to take a shower, because his hair is looking a little grimy, and a shower usually lifts his mood, at least for a little while. The steam is thick in the shower: the mirror fogs up almost immediately. Out of the shower, he wraps a towel around his hips and drags one hand down his face, a rattling sigh passing his lips without his consent. When Tyler steps over to the mirror, he has to wipe the condensation away with his palm to get a glimpse of his face, flushed from the heat. He steps away in a hurry.

Three raps sound at the door in quick succession and then his brother calls through for him to hurry up. Tyler glances down at his bare arms and clenches his fists for a moment, his nails biting into his palms. When he relaxes his hands, there are little crescent moons there. Tyler dries quickly and, still a bit damp, reapplies his bandages.

As soon as he’s hidden away his bandages again, he pulls his pyjama top back on- to hide the scars- and then opens the door. His brother is leaning against the wall opposite the door, waiting, and he makes an impatient noise when the door opens. Zach shoves by without so much as a _good_ _morning_ in Tyler’s direction. Tyler doesn’t mind. He rushes by, too, back to his bedroom: his safe place.

He pulls off the pyjama top and goes about his usual morning routine: he grabs his dark skinny jeans off the floor from where he threw them down the night before, and then he grabs a cosy black jumper from his wardrobe. In the interest of total honesty, he ended up sitting cross-legged on his bed in just his boxers for a few minutes, scrolling through tumblr on his phone. Only when he hears his mom call up to him does he remembers he has school to get ready for.

Fully dressed, Tyler stands in front of his mirror and drags his hands through his hair in an attempt to calm the fluffiness of it. It doesn’t work, and a moment later he’s given up completely. He squints at his reflection for a few seconds, displeased by the dark circles under his eyes and the familiar weariness in his brown eyes. With a sigh, he turns away and sits back down on his bed to pull his socks on. He’s tying the laces on his trainers when he notices his brother standing in his doorway. He raises one eyebrow at Zach but doesn’t bother asking. He tugs on the bow, trying to make it perfectly symmetrical.

Zach smirks, “Your friend is downstairs, you know?” He says, and Tyler’s head snaps up because, _fuck_ , there’s only one person Zach could be talking about. He suddenly isn’t so interested in his laces. “He’s chatting with mom.” Something in Zach’s smile has Tyler thinking his brother knows more than he’d supposed to, but he doesn’t hang around to interrogate. He’s out his bedroom door in a matter of seconds, taking the stairs two at a time. He’s a little bit out of breath when he hits the bottom step, but he forgets that as soon as he catches sight of Josh in the foyer.

His mother is petting Josh’s hair, complimenting the colour. Josh looks entirely too pleased, and as soon as he catches sight of Tyler he grins wide enough to split his face in half. “Morning,” He says brightly, “I thought we could walk to school together.”

Yes, Tyler thinks, he looks _far_ too pleased.

“Oh, well, I-” Tyler stumbles over his words, reaching for some sort of excuse to get him out of it but- there’s nothing. He can’t think of a single reason _not_ to walk with Josh, which is fucking unfortunate indeed. He doesn’t even bother. He just shrugs and nods, “Okay, cool.” He tries to smile- because he isn’t a complete asshole- but it comes across as more of a grimace. His mother makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a snort, but as soon as Tyler turns to glare at her, she’s looking away, invested in Josh’s hair again, asking is he used bleach to dye it. Tyler doesn’t wait to hear the answer: he strides past the pair of them and goes in search of his backpack, which he’d left laying around somewhere the day before.

Tyler hasn’t eaten yet, and he isn’t in any rush to be alone with Josh, so he pours himself a bowl of cereal and sits down at the kitchen table. He’s nearly finished when his mom sends Josh through. Josh seems almost as interested in the kitchen decor as he had been with Tyler’s room, but then he’s sitting down opposite Tyler, and Tyler suspects that the blue tiling is the last thing on the guy’s mind.

“You look nice,” Josh says, his smile like a ray of sunshine, too bright for Tyler this early in the morning. Tyler quickly looks over at the door, to make sure no one was eavesdropping. Josh was unfazed. “Sleep well?” He asks, and as far as Tyler can tell, he actually cares.

“Er, yeah, okay, I guess,” Tyler mumbles uncomfortably. He allows himself to look at Josh for a moment. He’s wearing a pastel blue knitted jumper over dark jeans, not quite as skinny as Tyler’s. His pink hair has a soft wave in it, clearly natural. His lips are pink, his skin fair and clear of any imperfections. He has those dopey eyes, still, but they’re heart-wrenchingly adorable. Tyler has to tear his eyes away from them, because they’re just _too_ pretty. Tyler still can’t believe how beautiful his soulmate is. “You look nice, too.” Tyler says, even though he doesn’t really want to say it out loud. It’s honest, sure, but he doesn’t want to lead Josh on, and he doesn’t want Josh to forget about what he offered yesterday. He drops his gaze and stairs at his bowl, just so he doesn’t have to see the effect of his words.

Friendship sounds pretty fucking great to Tyler. Sure, maybe if he was being honest with himself, he would like to be more than a friend to Josh, but he really doesn’t think he’s capable of that- especially not at the moment. Friendship is something he can do, though- probably. Maybe that would be enough for Josh, too. Maybe companionship would be enough. Tyler could hope.

Tyler glances up and sees that Josh is blushing and staring at his hands. Tyler rolls his eyes.  
“So,” Josh says finally, grinning, “We should probably go soon.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket and grimaces at the time. “We don’t wanna be late.” That’s debatable, though, really.

Before they get out the door, Josh’s mom is stopping them. She’s clearly still surprised that Tyler’s got a friend, and maybe she doesn’t know how long it will last. Josh is just as eager to talk to Mrs Joseph, though. She is his soulmate’s mother, after all, and he’s always been popular with moms. In the end, Tyler has to actually tug at Josh’s wrist to get him to move. Josh is immediately paying attention to Tyler again.

Fuck, he wishes Tyler would just hold his hand. It’s really fucking lame to admit, but Josh wants nothing more than to hold his soulmate’s hand and impress the guy’s mother and be boyfriends already. He has to resist the urge to say that out loud, in front of Mrs Joseph.

“Josh, do you have any plans friday night?” Mrs Joseph asks cheerily, ignoring Tyler’s knowing glare.

“No, ma’am,” Josh answers without hesitation.

Tyler groans out loud, then regrets it when he sees the expressions on his mom and Josh’s faces. His mom gives him a sharp ‘ _be nice_ ’ look that strikes fear into his very soul, and Josh looks torn between confusion and hurt. He’s pouting, Tyler realises with annoyance. He rolls his eyes and turns away, tugging uneasily on the straps of his backpack.

“Why don’t you come round for dinner? We’d love to have you. It would be so nice to get to know you more.” Mrs Joseph says happily, “You’re the first friend of Tyler’s I’ve met in a _long_ time. I don’t think he’s had friends since he was little-”

“ _Mom_ ,” Tyler interrupts, face red. “We have to go.”

“That sounds great, ma’am.” He grins so wide, his eyes do that crinkly thing again. Tyler has to look away. “What time?”

“Oh, just come back with Tyler after school.” She says.

“Okay, great.” Josh says and looks at Tyler, who’s still staring at his shoes. “Ty, you ready?”

Tyler’s eyes widen a little bit but he doesn’t reply. He just nods and turns to open the door. He doesn’t wait for Josh as he starts walking up his driveway. Josh has to jog a little bit to catch up, but he’s smiling moronically as he matches his pace to Tyler’s. They don’t speak much, but Josh doesn’t seem to mind. He's walking along with his hands in his pockets and a huge smile plastered across his dumb face. Tyler hides his blush expertly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was at a tøp concert last night xxx it was the best night ever. i love them too much- if that's possible.
> 
> sorry this is another filler chapter. i just wanted to get something posted cause i know its been so long. i feel really low at the moment :( but i'll forget about all my responsibilities by writing fan fiction.
> 
> i promise to make something interesting happen in the next chapter- which will be coming very soon!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first post here. I hope it's okay. I've been wanting to post something here for so long, but I couldn't get anything together. This will probably be super generic and unsurprising, but hopefully I can make it cute as hell too!


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